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A Pilgrim Reviews the Best Gift Baskets for Thanksgiving

A Pilgrim Reviews the Best Gift Baskets for Thanksgiving

Wednesday, November 07, 2018

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William Bradford

RECENT Posts

  1. POTUS Creates Executive Order to Relocate Jobs Back to US
    27 Feb, 2019
    POTUS Creates Executive Order to Relocate Jobs Back to US
    One of the most hotly debated topics in economics and public policy over the course of the last few decades has been the massive wave of outsourcing manufacturing to locations outside the US. Added to that trend is a more recent wave of outsourcing services as well, such as phone banks and customer support centers. Many consumers express dissatisfaction about difficulties in communicating with foreign representatives. However, despite consumer feedback, big businesses are reluctant to relocate
  2. Rudolph Reviews 5 Toys for Little Girls
    20 Dec, 2018
    Rudolph Reviews 5 Toys for Little Girls
    It’s Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, and Happy %&*# holidays to you too. I’d like to see you try and be cheery with a nose that goes off like a light bulb at inconvenient times. I’ve been sleeping on the couch for months because my wife can’t stand the random light going off in our room throughout the night. At board meetings, the fat man in red is always asking me if I have some bright idea, because a light bulb is going off in front of my face. %*&$ you too, fat man. In any case, there’s
  3. Santa Reviews the 5 Best Toys for Toddler Boys
    13 Dec, 2018
    Santa Reviews the 5 Best Toys for Toddler Boys
    Ho, ho, ho… It’s Santa Claus, and Happy Holidays to all. I’m the jolly fat man in a red suit who breaks into your home every year, eats your cookies, drinks your milk, and then deposits some gifts under the tree. Do you know how much crack you have to smoke in order to get the energy to visit several billion homes in a 24-hour period? A lot of crack. But please...when I break and enter into your home, remember that I’m doing it in a spirit of goodwill, and don’t call the cops on me, like I’m
  4. King Louis XIV Reviews 5 Awesome Coffee Makers
    21 Nov, 2018
    King Louis XIV Reviews 5 Awesome Coffee Makers
    Greetings mortals. Put on your shades, because I know the blinding presence of the Sun King could cause some serious eye damage. It is I, the State of France, King Louis XIV. When I’m not bathing in wine or having servants dress me in a thirty layer wardrobe that would be the envy of Michael Jackson, I like to sit back, sip on a nice cup of coffee, and survey the royal gardens of Versailles—an estate that requires 33% of France’s tax revenue for its upkeep. How anyone can live on just a third
  5. Dracula Reviews the Best Humidifiers
    30 Oct, 2018
    Dracula Reviews the Best Humidifiers
    Hello all, Count Dracula here, world-famous vampire and sole inhabitant of a dark, scary Transylvanian castle. When I’m not sucking blood from the necks of unsuspecting victims while they sleep, I’m usually masquerading as a bat, or transforming into an unearthly mist that can creep through the cracks of your doors and windows. That’s why the review team thought I would be perfect to cover the best humidifiers for this year—you know, those machines that fill your room with an uncanny cloud
  6. King Tut Reviews 4 Different Space Heaters
    22 Oct, 2018
    King Tut Reviews 4 Different Space Heaters
    Greetings, visitors from across the celestial river. It is I, Tutankhamun, deceased king of Egypt. Call me King Tut for short. Have you ever been buried alive? Probably not. In ancient Egypt, we believed that burial was just the first step towards a journey into the afterlife. That’s why they buried me with all my wealth...you know, typical stuff like boats made out of gold, and a bunch of magic dolls to become my servants in the hereafter. It can get pretty cold at night in a desert tomb
  7. Confucius Reviews Rice Cookers
    11 Oct, 2018
    Confucius Reviews Rice Cookers
    Greetings, revered guests. This is Confucius, ancient Chinese wise-guy, here to review a selection of rice cookers. Of course they would ask the token Asian guy to review the rice cookers...but I'll just let that one go. I'm a big believer in the five virtues of benevolence, honesty, propriety, wisdom, and fidelity...so of course, you know I'll give honest reviews. Gather 'round everyone. Let us learn about your best bets for cooking one of the most simple yet frustratingly hard to cook
  8. DaVinci Reviews the 4 Best Vacuum Cleaners for Your Home
    05 Sep, 2018
    DaVinci Reviews the 4 Best Vacuum Cleaners for Your Home
    Salute, Amici, it is I, mad genius and prolific sketch artist, Leonardo Da Vinci.  When it comes to cleaning my home, I get a bit OCD when it comes to vacuuming the carpets, and then of course, in the middle of the whole process I get some crazy idea that just must be sketched...so you can imagine that sometimes the corners of the rug are left unfinished, sort of like some of my masterpieces. Back in my day, if we needed to clean the carpet, we took it outside and beat the dust off it until it
  9. Blackbeard the Pirate Reviews Home Brewery Starter Kits
    03 Aug, 2018
    Blackbeard the Pirate Reviews Home Brewery Starter Kits
    Ay, mates. It’s Edward Thatch, sailor of fortune and loyal to wherever the winds take me—although me true name probably doesn’t strike fear into the heart of ye, as does my more popular moniker: Blackbeard the Pirate. Whether I was born in Bristol, England or Jamaica (the world may never know) one thing is for certain: you can fear my beard, and the flaming matches I used to  place under my hat. Call me a pyro, but I love the feel of fire on either side of my face while menacingly clomping my